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By now you’ve probably heard about the incredibly tragic turn of events in which a Rutgers University freshman named Tyler Clementi committed suicide after his sexual encounter with another boy was broadcast online. My heart is breaking for this young man and so many others like him who have been harassed and bullied for being themselves.
What can we do? Lady Gaga’s cries that it’s OK to be a little monster and let your freak flag fly only go so far. We need the conversation to grow and get louder, so that LGBT kids won’t have trouble picturing their bright future.
Thankfully, others are raising their voices in response to the alarming headlines of gay teen suicide. There’s a YouTube channel started by love and sex columnist Dan Savage, called “It Gets Better.” His aim: To have LGBT adults share with LGBT kids that it does get better. That they can be themselves.
You can check out Dan and his boyfriend, Terry’s personal stories here:
I heard some ridiculous DJ on the radio say last night that we’re less than 100 days away from Christmas. That means we’re close to 2011. And as a society, we’re still dealing with inhumanity, hatred and bigotry that seems, well, barbaric. I’m not saying that there hasn’t been any progress—we definitely seem to be getting somewhere (slowly) with legalizing same-sex marriage and repealing DADT (“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell“)…
But I’m afraid that we are still so far from young people nationwide just knowing they deserve to be loved, accepted and respected for who they are—whatever race, religion, size, shape and sexual orientation. Completely realizing that it is their basic human right to lead their fullest life as their most genuine self. That’s why, there should be absolutely no question that Tyler’s death and similar incidents are and should be prosecuted as hate crimes.
What are your thoughts?
8 comments
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September 30, 2010 at 12:34 pm
jonolan
The kid got outed and couldn’t take the truth being known. Oh well. So what? Young people, pampered throughout their childhoods, no longer deal with stress of any kind very very well and often suicide.
A cold sentiment? Certainly, but the “bullying” and such going on today isn’t near what it used to be, yet the suicide rates as a result of it are rising.
As for the fiction that this is a hate crime – you do know that there are several queer activist groups that make a practice of outing gays who they think don’t support the movement. Are those hate crimes too?
September 30, 2010 at 1:46 pm
Matt
Baring undisclosed evidence at this point, Tyler Clementi’s death will only be regarded as a hate crime within the opinion of common sense. Another story in the headlines are two suicides of former contestants on Chef Ramsay’s reality television show. http://www.cnn.com/2010/SHOWBIZ/TV/09/30/reality.tv.suicide/
Circumstantially, it’s easier to connect the dots with Tyler– but still circumstantial. Afterall, Chef Ramsay didn’t break any laws. Dharun Ravi did. And Dharun’s crime should be considered a hate crime– because the taping was a hate crime. But not because the story ended in suicide. Baring evidence- such as intimidation, the suicide has no place in the trial of Dharun Ravi except to explain away why his accuser isn’t there to testify against him. In fact, that creates a problem in it’s own, right? No victim to testify. The defense states that Tyler was in on it. Who is to say differently at this point? Will this even go to trial now?
My sad prediction: Dharun Ravi gets expelled. No criminal prosecution. Dharun Ravi changes his name or moves to another country to escape harassment by well justified vigilantes.
Of course, I hope I’m wrong. Common sense is strong here. And at the very least, perhaps a Law & Order SVU will get the ending right if our own courts do not or cannot get it right.
September 30, 2010 at 1:58 pm
Linzo
Jonolan – your ignorance disgusts me. Do you even know what it is like to suffocate in silence out of fear that someone (likely someone like you) wouldn’t accept them because they choose to love someone in a “different” way?
You allege bullying isn’t near what it used to be. I encourage you to rethink that statement. If anything, it has heightened and with technological outlets such as twitter, facebook – and cellphones – kids today are cruel – texting each other in classes remarking on classmates that are different or wall posts of nasty comments. I could go on…
The bullying today goes beyond what I grew up with (3-way phone calls to get an innocent person to gossip about another who is silently listening on the other line)…
September 30, 2010 at 2:08 pm
Rachel
Sorry, but there is no way this is a hate crime. Ravi can’t be implicated in Clementi’s death (although common sense does tell us that the two incidents probably had something to do with each other). Although it was a horrible thing to do, I’d be shocked if Ravi actually wanted Clementi to commit suicide. Besides the fact, this sort of thing has happened before with people taping and streaming straight sex without the knowledge of the person involved, and it would not be considered a hate crime.
This is horrible, sad, and horrific. It is deplorable that people go to these lows for a few laughs and to feel “cool” around their buddies. But it is not a hate crime.
September 30, 2010 at 2:17 pm
Katie
I’m sorry Jonolan that you have such a negative outlook at the world. Yes, this was a hate crime, and YES “queer activists groups” that go around outing other homosexuals are committing hate crimes too. No one has the right to “out” someone, whether you’re gay yourself or not.
Quoted from the Legal Dictionary, a hate crime is a crime that violates the victim’s civil rights and that is motivated by hostility to the victim’s race, religion, creed, national origin, SEXUAL ORIENTATION , or gender.
hmm… seems like a hate crime to me.
As for young people being pampered, I’m sorry, do you personally know EVERY young person in the world personally? Can you say that they are all dealing with the same things and NO ONE has anything that could cause depression and possibly end in suicide. That is a very ignorant comment. No one’s life is actually like it looks on the surface. They might look happy and like everything is perfect, but if you look closer you will see that EVERYONE has demons we must face and picture perfect life we all want is fiction. We cover so much of what we’re feeling on the inside with what we show on the outside. Trying to fit in or, in some cases, turning away and trying to be as different as possible, are all acts of us hiding our true selves and masking ourself to the world.
Now you must be the smartest person in the world if you can say that “bullying” isn’t like it used to be. The world never stops turning and unfortunately, things seem to remain the same. I don’t know what kind of time traveling device you have to be able to see back into the past and how bullying was so much worse! And as I said before, can you really take account of every single person’s life and be able to say “NOBODY is being bullied like they used to!” That’s like saying that no one in the past ever got abortions. HA! People have been getting them since the dawn of time, we just did them in secret and usually died of “consumption” in the process. In fact, it has become easier to anonymously bully people and do it on a scale where thousands of people can watch, thanks to the internet.
This was a terrible tragic event which ended a poor boy’s life by the cruelty of his roommate’s hand. These two boys who created that video now have this boy’s life on their conscience for the rest of their life. For what? A stupid prank? Something to make them feel better about themselves? These events should not be looked at lightly or with a blase attitude. A life was ended, and though in a world as large as ours it seems small, but this could have been prevented, it SHOULD have been prevented.
From the wise words of Dan Millman:
“Let not this young man’s death be wasted. Let us make this a time of deep consideration for us all about the potential consequences of our behaviors. Let us teach empathy as well as language and math skills in our schools. We have a way to go in our human evolution. We have knowledge but not yet wisdom; ability but not yet clear direction. Before we feel superior to those who commit such deeds that cause others sorrow, let us take a moment to reflect on the troubles we cause others through our actions or inaction, and for this young man’s memory, and for young men and women everywhere, our sons and daughters, our friends and classmates, resolve to do a little better.”
We are one people, yes we have separated ourselves on every level imaginable, but all that is only skin deep. When we all reach down further, we will be able to see clearly that none of what is on the surface matters. It is our insecurities and our low self esteem which makes us looks so unkindly to others. How we treat others is a reflection of how we see ourselves. If we just took the time to get to know ourselves and to LOVE who we truly are, there would be no unkindness, only Peace, Love, and Bliss. Because in the end, that’s all that really matters.
Thanks for the amazing post. Although I am not the biggest Lady Gaga fan, I do commend her for standing up for the Young gay community and shouting out to them that they are normal and to love who they are. Dan and Terry’s story is also very inspiring. If you get a chance, you should check out MTV’s If You Really Knew Me. It’s an inspirational show where for one day (challenge day) high schoolers are told to share an “if you really knew me.” Something deep down that their fellow classmates might not know. In the end everyone realizes that they’re not as different as the people around them and they are given a chance to change their ways for the better.
We are what God, our DNA, or whatever you believe in, intends us to be. None of which is hateful or cruel. We hate change and what we cannot (or choose to not) understand. So take the time to get to know one another. Learn about other religions, other lifestyles. Know that because ONE person, or a group of people from a certain faith or lifestyle do something, DOES NOT mean they ALL DO IT! Do all Christians want to burn crosses on black faimlies front yards and lynch them in the streets? Do all Muslin’s hate America and want to destroy the Western culture? Are all black men in baggy pants in gangs? Do all teenagers have sex by the age 15? No, no, no, and NO!
If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner. – Nelson Mandela
September 30, 2010 at 2:35 pm
Katie
Rachel,
It is not the fact that Tyler committed suicide which makes it a hate crime… It’s the fact that Dharun not only secretly video tapped Tyler having sex, but he, i guess the proper terminology is, tweeted about Tyler and his sexual acts on twitter… That is in fact a hate crime and bullying… Tyler committing suicide is just a sad outcome of the hate crime. If Dharun was posting about a black man having sex with a white woman OH MY GOD!!!!! People would be furious and it would without a doubt be considered a hate crime… There’s no difference… Both would be harassment and are quite sick… I cannot understand why someone would go so far to write about someone else’s life on twitter and to go as far as to secretly RECORD them no MATTER what they are doing.. I mean really… Even if Dharun was just recording Tyler when he was sleeping, that is CREEPY and WEIRD!
September 30, 2010 at 2:41 pm
Jean
Agreed. The act of recording and streaming this video was a hate crime. As an earlier commenter noted, an crime based on sexual orientation is a hate crime. I’d like to know more about Ravi’s language–do they have proof of him using hateful language? If I recall freshman year of college well at all, I remember what a tramatic time it was just gaining my independence and adulthood – dealing with family problems once I was far enough away to see them – pressuring myself to succeed – that realizing I was gay was the icing on the cake. I was involved in serious same-sex relationships for 5 years before I ever started feeling like it might be ok. Before I ever stopped hating myself for being different. Experiences affect each of us differently- it has nothing to do with being pampered. I assume Ravi will maybe get expelled, but serve no time. Thats how we do things in America.
September 30, 2010 at 2:46 pm
Rachel
Unfortunately there is little evidence to show that he was motivated (which is the key word in the description of a hate crime) by hate. In fact, his tweet seemed to indicate that he had turned on the webcam to see what was going on and only then found out that his roommate was, apparently, gay.
However, I agree that if there is anything at all to be found a hate crime, it is the crime of invasion of privacy (although I still doubt that this will hold up in court given very limited evidence at the time). The original post, however, says that Tyler’s death should be prosecuted as a hate crime, which is clearly not at all appropriate.